ROLLER COASTER

Something happened to me Friday and I seem to be shutting down.    My mind won't open up. My brain is trying to quit. Probly cause I'm not going at the pace that I was.  

       I have spent my whole life trying to outrun myself and I think I might have accomplished it.

       Napoleon wept because he had no more worlds to conquer.  Kamikaze pilot!

       I have lived an illusion.

       But then, there are NO ACCIDENTS. 

       I'm not in charge of life, only mine. 

       Actually I can't even mess IT up, because my past is tainted with all of my bad decisions and I don't have a clue about my future. HE does, and is in full control.     

       Thus the paradox.               

       Like in the Tale of two cities,” It was the best of times; it was the worst of times."    

       I am not on a rollercoaster. Rather I am living in the paradoxical tension created when the best and the worst walk side by side.  And right now the worst is pounding in my head right along side of the fact that He has said,”I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 

       In spite of my choices, (we are never affected by one single choice but by a series of choices leading to the one that sets something off), He is in charge and on the corner I'm headed for.

       Something is going on in me, I don't know what. This is the first time in my life that I have not had at least some control of my situation.

       Perhaps the very first time I have actually had to put into practice what I believe.

       Faith HAS to be a verb because to HAVE faith is to talk about it.  To faithe is to live it.  There is a difference. 

      Anyway, my mind feels like my car felt the other day when the timing belt broke.  I pushed on the throttle expecting a response and there was none, a total non response.

       Psalms 84:5, 6, 7  tells me that Blessed people go thru valleys! These verses talk of a blessed man going through a valley.  Blessed here does not mean  “to get a blessing, or feeling” of some kind. Those kind of blessings can be identified and tied to a circumstance somewhere or some time.

       This blessed described here is not a sometimes blessing. It is a state of being that never wavers, never changes in its quality. It is completely unaffected by changing circumstances. It is a quality of blessedness never to be altered!

       It is something that doesn’t come from me but it is a state of being given to me for faith. I trust Him for it and it is there.

       Ephesians 1 tells me that I was chosen by Him before time. Ephesians 1:11 tells me that I was chosen according to the purpose of Him who worketh all things after the counsel of His own will!          He has a purpose for me!

       The blessedness that I have is the focus, focusing not on me and my circumstance or feeling but focusing on what His word says about Him.

        I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him………..Roller coaster,  valley,   Life is a journey….Blessed men go through it…………………….David

   
 
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